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Author Archives: Pami Tianna

About Pami Tianna

You don’t want to read a day-to-day account of my life?! I’ll just mention the highlights, then. Likes: BIG cats, birds, dogs and saltwater fish. Lions and tigers and bears — oh my! Fears: thunderstorms, snakes, total darkness, moths and buggies, oh the dreaded buggies!!!! Loves: Walks - I can relax and be alone with my thoughts. There are many trees in my neighborhood, and shrubs, and I really love living here. It is quiet and I feel peaceful and safe. (I am always trying to improve aspects about me, right?!). I enjoy movies, prefer them on the DVD player. Because I love the comfort of *home*. I love writing stories, drawing, painting and poetry, they are passions of mine. I love the outdoors. I have so many loves of life, that I can’t possibly write them all here … I’ve gotten to be a decent cook over the years, and I do admit to taking some pride in that. I enjoy cooking and baking so much. I just adore the color purple, red, midnight blue and hunter green. I love pepsi and I am a big freezy pop/snow cone person! I love with all my heart and soul(I am very proud of them too) ‘our’ children and ‘our’ wee ones. Another reason for my being!!! My everything!!!! Our families and friends — heart and soul … Some of the things I believe in with all my heart and soul are, first and foremost, GOD! HE has given me so many truly WONDERFUL blessings in my life!!! I won’t say that I haven’t had some very rough, trying, dark and hurtful times in my life, but GOD has shown me that HE has never once left my side throughout it all(even when I had believed He had). All Praise and Glory Be Given To GOD!!! AMEN I believe everyone needs to feel loved, be by family, friends or that special someone in our life. I believe in fairytales ,dreams, they do come true, one just has to have faith and hold on to their dreams. I believe in living with an open mind and a caring heart, people who don’t, miss out on so much in life. I believe in helping others in need. I believe in family and friends. I believe in miracles. I believe EVERYONE should have the acceptance they deserve, and no one should be punished for being who they are, even if they are different by any standards. I could go on and on!! A Few Simple Desires: One of my most important desires was to find my soul mate … and after many years of waiting, God has bought us together, again. He is one of the most powerful forces in my life, here on earth … my heart, my soul, my inspiration, my passion, a reason for being … my everything. Whether we are endless miles apart, or if our bodies are melted into one, he is always with me. In him, I have found the means to be fulfilled, to heal my wounds, to mend both my heart and soul, to regain my inner strength, and to erase those memories which should be forgotten. Now that I have found him, another of my most important desire is to do anything and everything in my power to be everything to him that he is to me … to make him happy, to give him all I have to give, to love him, to need him, to want him, to respect him, to trust him, to be faithful to him, and to take care of him for all eternity and beyond with all I am and more, regardless of anything or anyone. I have been through so much hurt and heartache in my life, that it made me stop believing in ‘love’, but God has been watching over me all these years and blessed my life with this wonderful man, David. My sweet David so very easily see’s and encourages the ‘who I am inside’ and makes it so very, very easy to give him my all … I love you, David, heart and soul! Moonlit nights … rain in Autumn … snowfall on Christmas Eve… the humbling reminder of the mountains … the freedom of the wind … the serenity of the forest … the embrace of the ocean … Writing … drawing … painting … music … movies … books … creating web pages and graphics … the love of friends and family … communication with the world … reaching out to help those in need … spending time with my angel … Warm Smiles and thank you for visiting. I hope you find something helpful, something informative, a few smiles or at the very least something memorable among these pages. I feel your presence, and it is greatly appreciated here … Brightest Blessings To You All

Missing You Mom

Tuesday, 07/04/17

 

Our books went on sale July 2, 2014.

You can purchase our books at: http://www.amazon.com/ and type the name, Tianna Filley or D.R. Filley, in the search engine, and our books will come up for purchase.

Or you can click on the title of the book below and it will take you directly to that book:

A Love Of A Lifetime

Twisted Tales Collection

Youthful Musings: Poetry of Love and Loss

Shadows of Premonition

Copyright © 2014,2015,2016,2017 Tianna Filley All Rights Reserved
~Do You Hear Her Whispers?~


 
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Posted by on July 4, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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The Lives That We Touch

Tuesday, 06/27/17

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. ~ Erin Majors

 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the people we meet and the lives that we touch.

Mostly, I’ve been thinking about relationships and the various connections and links we have with people. I’ve been thinking about the way people weave themselves in and out of our lives. And how rarely we notice the subtle impact they have on us until they leave.

I don’t believe we meet people on accident. I am a firm believer in that. I think people come into our lives exactly when we need them to. Like my ex-husband who taught me all about a broken heart and taught me to stop placing all my happiness on one person. He was a lesson learned on so many levels. But most importantly, he taught me that looks are deceiving and one needs to look into the heart and soul of the person.

My 10th grade history teacher, Mr. Sanford whom was one of the kindest and most caring human beings I have ever known, who taught me to be relentless in the pursuit of my goals, and taught me to laugh in the face of all pain. And to never give up! Mr. Sanford was always smiling and laughing. He had a way of filling your heart with hope!

A very close cousin/sister who taught me empathy and understanding even when she was in her final days of battling terminal cancer, she still managed to lift people spirits and hearts, even just days before she passed.

The woman in front of me at the grocery store with tired eyes and two kids that taught me patience and wonder as I watched her let her toddler individually place each item on the belt.

I’ve been thinking about endings. And goodbyes. And letting go. And how people come into our lives at different parts of our story — how they come in and stay for a scene, a chapter, or the majority of our book. I’ve been ruminating over the short-lived relationships and how we establish all of these invisible connections with people, just to see them go. It doesn’t seem fair. If given any wish in the world, I’d wish for the ability to wrap my arms around every single person I care about, around every single life that’s touched me, and keep them right here with me.

But as far as selfishness goes, I don’t even come close. One of life’s biggest, suckiest, truths is that we are never given a timeline. People come and go all the time — some relationships are short lived, some last far longer than they should, some stay for a good portion of our lives, while others cruise in and out faster than we could have anticipated. Some people come in into our lives for what feels like a moment, but we are forever changed by their presence, no matter how fleeting.

 

Our books went on sale July 2, 2014.

You can purchase our books at: http://www.amazon.com/ and type the name, Tianna Filley or D.R. Filley, in the search engine, and our books will come up for purchase.

Or you can click on the title of the book below and it will take you directly to that book:

A Love Of A Lifetime

Twisted Tales Collection

Youthful Musings: Poetry of Love and Loss

Shadows of Premonition

Copyright © 2014,2015,2016,2017 Tianna Filley All Rights Reserved
~Do You Hear Her Whispers?~


 
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Posted by on June 27, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Not Telling?

Sunday, 06/11/17

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

There’s some of life that’s been pretty fantastic, some that’s been not so great, and most of it is being lived elsewhere in the corners of a sunny patio and a full kitchen table. Sometimes I want to not-tell a great many things, so I hide my pen, shut down my laptop and get on with life and the stories that happen.

So if you’ve been wondering what’s been going on? That is it. That is what’s been going on, at least a small bit of it.

I’ve had a few health problems. It was one thing and then another. I’m doing much better now! All the Glory be given to God!!

I’ve been learning and cooking and watching a bit too much television. I’ve embraced the rays of (almost) summer, bought tickets, checked bags, spilled lattes, laughed loudly and cried more than I’d like. I tell my family I love them, because I do, and I try not to rush the days, even the bad ones, because they are only here once.

I also try to not worry, although I think I’m quite bad at it … not worrying, that is.

I try to ask myself the hard questions, and say my prayers, and go for drives ( hubby of course does the driving for now, anyway), and give hugs, write emails, and remember what’s needed from the past so I can push into the future. And I’m trying harder to be present, kinder and healthy.

And while I pretend that my laptop is shut down and my pens are dusty, that is only partially true. Because I’ve been writing the bigger story, getting it down in fits and starts. It’s rough, incredibly hard at times, but I’ve promised myself there will be something, even if it’s only ever this, there will be something.

 

Please stop by my other website Tianna’s Books

Our books went on sale July 2, 2014.

You can purchase our books at: http://www.amazon.com/ and type the name, Tianna Filley or D.R. Filley, in the search engine, and our books will come up for purchase.

Or you can click on the title of the book below and it will take you directly to that book:

A Love Of A Lifetime

Twisted Tales Collection

Shadows of Premonition

Copyright ©2014,2015,2016,2017 Tianna Filley All Rights Reserved

~Do You Hear Her Whispers?~


 
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Posted by on June 11, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Happy Mother’s Day!

Sunday, October 14, 2017

 

GJ-HappyMothersDay01
Sadly, I lost my Mother five years ago July 4, and this will be my fifth Mother’s Day

without her, and it doesn’t get any easier.

 

To My Loving Mother,

I so miss your smile and sparkly eyes that always exuded the joy in your heart. Almost 5 years ago I had the honor to be with you as you took your last breaths. How very fitting since you were there for me many years earlier, when I took my first few breaths into this marvelous life.

When I think of you I reflect on the things that made you happiest. Interestingly enough these are the same things that bring the most joy to my heart. I so appreciate how you shaped my life.

You provided me with a love for the outdoors. Your inner glow shined most when you engaged in outside activities whether it was camping, hiking on the trails, on the boat or sitting by water. As a result playing outdoors had become my lifeblood and the sustenance of my life. You revealed to me how being in nature can help me feel as though I can conquer anything.

You showed me the joy in seeking new adventures. How you went to college later in your life and accomplished your goals!! It seemed as though you never allowed fear to stop you from engaging in anything new. I recall the courage it took for me to get back on a motorcycle, after he almost killed us (oh but how I came to love riding a motorcycle), worked with the elderly, and living through those freezing winters in Buffalo (I do not like the cold)! Whenever I am frozen in fear I think about how you would proceed with courage despite your fears. These images help me move forward to accomplish my anticipated goals.

You always had such a zest for life. This character trait allowed me to see how to draw various kinds of people into my life. I reflect upon your enthusiasm and realize that was the draw that pulled people towards you. I aspire for this type of abundance.

You taught me how to romance my spouse. I would notice when you gave dad kisses and showed your love by caressing his hand. I loved watching as you got dressed for your weekly Saturday night ‘dates’ with dad. I got to observe the joy in your heart as you would carefully choose an appropriate outfit, purse, jewelry, and your favorite perfume.

Mom, you inspired me to be the woman I am today. I am forever grateful to have had you shape my life passions. Thank you for instilling in me a love for the outdoors, the courage to have new adventures, a zest for life, and always look into the heart and soul and never the looks of a person. You use to say, “Looks can be so deceiving”. And when were you ever wrong?!

Happy Mother’s Day In Heaven

 

Your loving daughter,

Pami
GJ-HappyMothersDay02

In Memory Of My Mom

You were a precious gift from God above,
So much beauty, grace and love.
You touched our hearts in so many ways,
Your smile so bright even on the bad days.
You heard God’s whisper calling you home,
You didn’t want to go and leave us alone.
You loved us so much, you held on tight,
Till all the strength was gone and you could no longer fight.
He had called your name twice before,
You knew you couldn’t make him wait anymore.
So you gave your hand to God and slowly drifted away,
Knowing that with our love we will be together again someday.PDMagnifyingglassPlease stop by my other website Tianna’s Books

Our books went on sale July 2, 2014.

You can purchase our books at: http://www.amazon.com/ and type the name, Tianna Filley or D.R. Filley, in the search engine, and our books will come up for purchase.

Or you can click on the title of the book below and it will take you directly to that book:

A Love Of A Lifetime

Twisted Tales Collection

Youthful Musings: Poetry of Love and Loss

Shadows of Premonition

~Do You Hear Her Whispers?~


 
Leave a comment

Posted by on May 14, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

I Miss You!

Sunday, 05/07/17

Too many times we let things go unsaid, may we all be reminded how precious and short life is!

 

My sissy/cuzzie passed away a little over a month ago.

I found out a Monday at work.

One minute, I was ranting about our perpetual existential crises and life stresses, and the next, I was hearing the heartbreaking news.  Suddenly, the ranting and raving that took place only minutes before dissipated; reality struck me like a gust of cold wind that shook me to the core.

Time seemed to stand still between those minutes, as if preparing me for the gut-wrenching feeling of being paralyzed by grief.

Young death is an unfathomable tragedy that often reminds you of the brevity of life. It’s sudden, and it’s swift, and it shakes you so deeply, and with such force, that you can’t help but feel profoundly betrayed by the world that’s supposed to keep you safe and let you grow old with the people you love.

The universe often works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it? That day for me was a fog. It was working through a long work day, and then a long drive home, asking what’s the point. What’s the point in all of this? She didn’t ask for this. I was repeating to myself over and over again, why?

I somehow ended up at the grocery store with no list or plan in mind. I was walking down each aisle, angry at all of the people filling their carts with the proper fixings for a meal. It was the desperate feeling of wanting everyone around me to stop what they were doing and feel even a fraction of what I was feeling. I was praying for a familiar face to come up to me and say I get it, I get it. I’m hurting for you too.

This hurts so much. It’s not fair. It’ll never be fair.

They’ll never know those special moments that you will hold onto when the grief gets bigger and the anniversary of death gets further away.

And they don’t know how much you are kicking yourself over and over again for somehow allowing the last conversation that ever passed your lips between the two of you to be about visiting soon. Soon is a concept I’ve become all too well acquainted with. I’ll get to it soon. I’ll call them back soon. Let’s hang out soon. Sometimes, soon never does come.

One month since you’ve been gone.

One month and a few days actually and it feels like forever, and like no time at all. It’s longer than we’d ever gone without talking or texting.

I still do not believe you are gone.

Yet, you remain, everywhere … On my cell phone under “favorites”, my Facebook, my address book, in pictures, but most of all, in my heart!!

Thank you for giving me one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever known …you!!

My Sweet Darlene

 

You will never walk any road alone

You have me by your side

You have the love of many family and friends

We will help you keep your stride

 

You brighten up our dreary lives

You sing an angels note

And if you ever gave up now

Then I would give up hope

 

You have so much to live for

You’ve spread love right from the start

You make us feel there is happiness for all

With the love that comes from your heart

 

You’re one of my reasons for loving

Thank you my sweet baby Doll

When your illness gets you down at times

Remember you are loved in this world

 

In the end when God calls us

And we look him in his eyes

It’s not what people do for us

It’s how we were loved in our lives

 

Copyright © 2015 Tianna Filley All Rights Reserved

Please stop by my other website Tianna’s Books

Our books went on sale July 2, 2014.

You can purchase our books at: http://www.amazon.com/ and type the name, Tianna Filley or D.R. Filley, in the search engine, and our books will come up for purchase.

Or you can click on the title of the book below and it will take you directly to that book:

A Love Of A Lifetime

Twisted Tales Collection

Youthful Musings: Poetry of Love and Loss

Shadows of Premonition

~Do You Hear Her Whispers?~


 
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Posted by on May 7, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Happy Mother’s Day!

Sunday, 05/08/16

CircleOfLove

GJ-HappyMothersDay01
Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.-Emily Dickenson

Dear Mom,

I don’t remember the last time I actually sat down and wrote you a letter, although I know it’s been a while … a little while. Funny how you never really think of those kinds of things, but then, written words were never really all that important to us … were they?

In fact, I can remember a time when we were SO close; I swear we could read each other’s thoughts. But those times are gone now … aren’t they? And to be honest, I don’t even know why I’m writing you this letter, it’s not like you can read it anymore.

I guess, maybe it’s because, if you wait too long, the words can never be spoken out loud. And there’s just too much I need to tell you to let that happen. So here it is mommy, my letter to you.

First off, I need to tell you how very much I love you! You have been a constant joy in my life and each day God gave us to spend together, was like having heaven here on earth. Don’t ever think, not for a minute, that you were EVER a burden to me … because you weren’t. If anything, you were a blessing.

In fact, do you know as I was growing up, the one thing I wanted was to become a person who was just like you? Someone who was strong, caring, and loving? And that’s what you were mommy … that’s what you always were.

If there was someone in trouble, you were the one to lend a hand, to lend a shoulder, to lend a heart. You never judged or condemned. You just went about trying to make it better. And what a difference you made in all of those lives.

You see, you were the one who taught me to look beyond the human face and search out the heart instead. You said; ‘there’, is where the real person lye’s … and you were right.

But how did you know that? And how did you know to teach me that? Because that’s what I DO now. I no longer look at the facial features or the frailties that have happened because of life, but I DO look at their hearts mom, and what remarkable things I have seen there. And you were such an example of that!!

Do you know what I see when I look at your pictures today? I see the beauty of who you still are in my heart. Not anything else … but YOU.

I also want to tell you what an incredible mother you had been. And don’t fuss at me for saying that, because it’s the truth. You’ve always given me whatever I have needed. Whether it was faith, confidence, courage, or even to have belief in myself. But above all, the most important thing you have ever given me is your love. In fact, there has never been a time when I hadn’t felt it. And that includes now, even though you can’t say it to me anymore.

Well mom, I guess that’s just about it. I hope someday you will see this letter. Whether it’s reading it from heaven or just simply seeing it in my heart. You will always be with me mom, no matter where I go or what I do. And the one thing I will always be certain of is that, in this life, I was loved by you.

Happy Mother’s Day In Heaven

Love Always Your Daughter,

Pami

GJ-HappyMothersDay02

In Memory Of My Mom

You were a precious gift from God above,
So much beauty, grace and love.
You touched our hearts in so many ways,
Your smile so bright even on the bad days.
You heard God’s whisper calling you home,
You didn’t want to go and leave us alone.
You loved us so much, you held on tight,
Till all the strength was gone and you could no longer fight.
He had called your name twice before,
You knew you couldn’t make him wait anymore.
So you gave your hand to God and slowly drifted away,
Knowing that with our love we will be together again someday.PDMagnifyingglassPlease stop by my other website Tianna’s Books

Our books went on sale July 2, 2014.

You can purchase our books at: http://www.amazon.com/ and type the name, Tianna Filley, in the search engine, and our books will come up for purchase.

Or you can click on the title of the book below and it will take you directly to that book:

A Love Of A Lifetime

Twisted Tales Collection

Youthful Musings: Poetry of Love and Loss

Shadows of Premonition

~Do You Hear Her Whispers?~


 
Leave a comment

Posted by on May 8, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , ,

Words Matter

Sunday, 04/10/16

AutumnBlessing

“Conversation is so much more than words: a conversation is eyes, the smile, and the silences between words.” -Annika Thor

I came to this space thinking that if I could just write out what was going on, that it would fix me. That somehow words on a screen sent out to whoever cared enough to read would somehow heal me.

A lot’s changed in the last three and half years. What I realized in the process of trying to quiet the noise is that none of this is about me. It’s never really been about me.

At my age, I know everything and nothing about life. I say both everything and nothing, because I know what it’s taken to get me here, but I know nothing about what’s to come. And I want to spend the rest of my life learning and growing and offering whatever fragments of wisdom I have to anyone willing to listen.

What I’ve learned, especially in the last three and half years since starting this blog, is that this life has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the goodness and the love that we put into the world. I started this blog because I was heartbroken, tired and in my mind, needed an outlet to heal. The notebooks I carried around with me everywhere I went just weren’t doing my thoughts any justice.

Writing, words, reading and life have taught me so much in the last three and half years. But what I’m learning the most is the importance of connections. Relationships are so important — the ones that are real and true. The people who fight for you, fight with you, celebrate with you and sit next to you when you are in the thick of life. The ones who cheer you on, practice happiness and grace when they, themselves, are struggling to find their own. People matter, conversations matter, words matter.

The truth behind it all is that, people will never stay as long as you want them to. But I’ll tell you a secret; they’ll always stay as long as you need them to. That’s something I keep learning over and over again. You will meet people who will turn your life upside down. They’ll come in, they’ll teach you something, and you’ll grow. You will laugh and learn from them. And you’ll wonder where the hell they were before you met them.

They’ll be incredible forces in your life. And sometimes, as quickly as they came by, they’ll leave. And it’s disheartening and unfair and sometimes cruel, but you’ll carry in your heart that you are better because of them. You’ll keep their memories, their wisdom, and their words.

Because at the end of the day, I need you to believe that words matter.

PamiAngels

Please stop by my other website Tianna’s Books

Our books went on sale July 2, 2014.

You can purchase our books at: http://www.amazon.com/ and type the name, Tianna Filley or D.R. Filley, in the search engine, and our books will come up for purchase.

Or you can click on the title of the book below and it will take you directly to that book:

A Love Of A Lifetime

Twisted Tales Collection

Youthful Musings: Poetry of Love and Loss

Shadows of Premonition

~Do You Hear Her Whispers?~


 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 10, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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